Courting allowed young men and women to meet and socialize largely unchaperoned, often at church, balls, parties, public entertainments, and neighbors’ homes, socializing with groups of unmarried-young people living in their town. When men and women met, they obviously enjoyed each other’s company. Young white men began courting in their late teens, and young women as early as fifteen or sixteen. The average man in Virginia married in his mid-twenties. Men of colonial time tended to wait until they had completed their education and attained some financial security before proposing marriage. Marriage was the next logical step in life as they sought marriage partners who could support their economic efforts while running their households and raising their children.
Since the young women were not yet responsible for running a household or raising children, they had more freedom during these years than they would ever have again. Courting gave young women power; it was their decision whether to accept or reject a suitor. Some wielded it ruthlessly.
Since the young women were not yet responsible for running a household or raising children, they had more freedom during these years than they would ever have again. Courting gave young women power; it was their decision whether to accept or reject a suitor. Some wielded it ruthlessly.
Although modern Americans imagine colonial-era sexual morals to be Puritanical... in the mid to late 1700's, more than one in three girls were pregnant when walking down the aisle. So, don't be surprised if the birth of baptismal record of a child researched on Ancestry is dated fewer than nine months after the parents's wedding certificate! One unusual colonial tradition may have encouraged this premarital fecundity. "Bundling," or bed courting, involved young, unmarried couples testing their compatibility by sharing a bed for the night. More common among lower classes and along the frontier, was the use of a "bundling board", a long- upright plank set up between the couple.
When researching for my book, Thomas Jefferson-From Boy to Man, I did not come across any sexually-charged personal writings between Thomas Jefferson and any of the woman in Jefferson's life that he may or may not have had a relationship with, before he married Martha Wayles-Skelton on January 1, 1772. If I did, that would have surely been included in the book, since the book is about Jefferson's first 31 years. We can only imagine about his personal courting behavior, and read what was gleaned from research found and reported in the chapter entitled, Courting "Patty". One thing we know is that Jefferson was a living, breathing, sexual being, just like any other man of his day, possessing the same sexual urges that men do today. That should not be a surprise. But there was lots to write about regarding his courtship with Martha Wayles Skelton, which I found sweet and endearing.
It is not certain how Thomas Jefferson met Martha Wayles-Skelton, but it is possible that they met at a social engagement that Martha and her first husband, Bathurst Skelton, attended in Williamsburg. Or, possibly they met at the home of their maestro, while Jefferson and Martha were coming and going from their music lessons.
When Thomas first came to woo the lovely 23-year old widow, "Patty", a nickname given to her by her father, John Wayles, Jefferson was 28 years old. Thomas' wealth, high rank in his profession, his excellent character, and his agreeable appearance made him an appropriate suitor. Martha picked Thomas from many interested suitors!
As a husband, Thomas was devoted to Martha, so much so that he tended, at times, to neglect his professional career in favor of domestic pleasures. Martha was devoted to her husband, and their short marriage of ten years, was peculiarly happy. (Martha Jefferson died on September 6, 1782. The exact cause of death is not known, however, it seemed that she never recovered from the birth of her last child, Lucy Elizabeth, who was born May 8, 1782.)
As a husband, Thomas was devoted to Martha, so much so that he tended, at times, to neglect his professional career in favor of domestic pleasures. Martha was devoted to her husband, and their short marriage of ten years, was peculiarly happy. (Martha Jefferson died on September 6, 1782. The exact cause of death is not known, however, it seemed that she never recovered from the birth of her last child, Lucy Elizabeth, who was born May 8, 1782.)
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Read more about the courtship of Martha Wayles-Skelton and Thomas Jefferson, as well as their married life, in Thomas Jefferson-From Boy to Man:
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